"I come from a land of big dicks and small egos," I tried to impress her.
I was at Jay's housewarming in Vasant Kunj. The kind of a house party where, if you are the host, your initial instinct is to do a quality control- invite only filtered and absolute close people. Keep it all exclusive and fancy. But then you subtly screw it all up when you ask your nerdy friend to design a little invite for the party. "Make it classy," you tell him. The invite is chic and playful; it reflects your Alpha personality, and you end up circulating it around on WhatsApp groups. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the only phenomenon which gets a man like me ever invited to parties.
I am frowned upon in whispers and murmurs, as people divide themselves into groups and dissect everybody who doesn't belong in their squad. I am not particularly an eyesore, but my drunken shenanigans haven't gone down too well in the previous get-togethers. I have a reputation for being lecherous. Or so I think. But I don't take offence to such stuff. Why apologise for who you are? One woman's creep might become another woman's Prince Charming! I have to play the odds. I am a headstrong man in a tricky society and I must swim against the current, if I have to.
I like being in charge of my feelings, however unpopular they might be. I don't compromise on my masculinity behind the garb of chivalry. I am unmoved by the hundred-year-old-aunties and uncles, and ladies with infants, who come hunting for my seat in the Metro. But, the hard earned seat is all yours if you are somebody pretty and young. Because hey! I am a decent man! You will find me gently asserting my masculinity through my words, actions and gym-sculpted body.
Anyway, coming back to the party. The EDM anthems had died out, and given way to your nerdy friend's carefully curated, alternative rock playlist comprising of back-to-back Foster the People tracks. Everybody was either too drunk or too stoned or didn't care enough to complain. I spotted her from across the smokey corridor.
Taking a sip of liquid courage, and brushing the ash away from my crotch, I made my way towards her. She was on her phone and didn't realise my presence until I opened my mouth.
"Sorry?" she asked, looking up.
"I come from a land of big dicks and small egos," I repeated with a smirk.
"Are you sure it is not the other way round?" and walked off.